What is it worth?

Dear Mr Mephistopheles,

My associate Prof. Rabett informs me that your organisation has been providing much-needed financial support to struggling incompetents willing to set aside their integrity, self-respect and the truth in exchange for slightly tarnished souls, at an appropriate price.

I can happily reassure you that I lost my integrity many years ago, when I discovered that unenlightened self-interest pays better than sticking to principles. I confess to have struggled with self-respect as an issue for some time, but since retaining any of this has proven to be less profitable than setting it aside, I'll concede that this will have to go by the board for a while, at least.

As for the truth, well, I can be confident, as a practised abuser of epistemology, that I can confidently present a front of uncertainty and credible doubt to people who are even stupider than me, and already disposed to believe pretty much only what suits their existing prejudices. I would note, however, that sustaining this in the face of overwhelming evidence and people who have maintained their integrity involves some effort and hoop-jumping, for which I expect to be suitably rewarded.

Though my track record in pyramid sales, Ponzi schemes and Real Estate has been somewhat inconsistent, I note that my qualifications are at least equal to those of the folks who have already signed up to your 'pact', so I hope my request meets with your approval. 

I'd also note the added value of a proportion of the 100 million souls which will soon be up for grabs. I'll admit to a little sympathy for these poor folk, but they are after all poor, foreign and mostly young or near death anyway, so we'll barely notice the loss at home, and besides which by the time that matters I'll be long dead, hopefully having passed on whilst having my 'findings' manipulated by a glamorous 'research assistant' aboard my yacht in the Caribbean. 

In terms of recompense, I suggest that a soul-trade value somewhere between that of a retired politician and an accident insurance lawyer seems a reasonable amount.

In anticipation of your approval, I am sir, 

Yours truly,
R. B. Bot, PhI, MsT, BA(dishons).

Five years, my brain hurts a lot

A man is standing in the middle of a road, saluting his flag and smug in the knowledge that, since he is okay, so the world is okay too.

A car drives up. Just before it is about to go past, it screeches to a halt. The driver opens his window.

'Hey there,' he says, 'You know there's a truck coming, yes?'

The man in the road looks at him quizzically. 'What truck? I don't see no truck.'

'That's because you're not looking the right way. It's coming - look!' Says the worried driver.

'I've always looked like this,' the man replies, 'what's wrong with the way I look? Are you criticising me? I don't take to folk criticising me..'

'Please,' the driver begs him, 'just turn around and take a look down the road. You're about to be hit by a truck, really! Get out the road!' By now he is almost shouting.

The man chooses to remain obtuse. 'Don't see many trucks round here. Figure I'd know if there was a truck coming. I don't see no tr...'

Jack Higgins in 'Zulu'..

Thought exercise: 
(ht to Raymond Smullyan, a dude of the highest order)

I am an alien freshly arrived on Earth (the Planet of Knights, Knaves and Normals), with helpful inclinations and superior capabilities.

(For those of you who haven't read Smullyan, Knights always tell the truth, Knaves always lie, Normals can do either.)

I meet three people. I know that one is a Knight, one a Knave, and one a Normal, but not which is which. The first says: "We are screwing up the Planet, help us fix it." The second says "Don't listen to him, he's a Knave." I have one question to ask to determine who I should believe. What do I ask and to which one?

I really, really hope some people pick up on this one... :)